My Tiresome Sin June 15, 2010

Does sin tire you out?  I mean really?  Do you know what it feels like to groan along with creation “as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies” (Romans 8:23)?  You go out in the world and everywhere is sin.  It’s in your ears, it’s in your view; you aren’t looking for it but it is looking for you.  Do you relate?  I become so weary and tired of sin.

It’s not only out there, it’s within.  And this I find to be even more tiresome.  How much I relate to the apostle Paul who said “For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is in my flesh.  For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out.  For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing (Romans 8:18-19).”  Your words tumble out of a tongue that seems set on fire by hell, your motives get skewed, your excuses get wimpy, and you say you want to make changes but a little laziness just seems to take over.  Your desires are lacking, your passion is up and down, and your appetite for the Word of God is much weaker than it should be.  You know the good you ought to do but do not do it and sin.  It’s me.  How I want to change.  How I want to be more like Jesus Christ.

“Through Many A Sleepless Night” June 13, 2010

I have never slept well.  Even as a kid I don’t think I can remember having an easy time getting to sleep or staying asleep.  Sometimes this can be a very discouraging problem.  There are so many things a person wants to accomplish, and it can be very difficult to do with little (or sometimes even zero) sleep.  It is physically, emotionally, and mentally draining.  I know I’ve written about this before, but I thought I’d remind myself of a section of scripture that has always helped me, and if you have struggles to sleep it might help you too.

One scripture that I tend to read every morning after a hard night’s sleep is found in 2Corinthians 11:23-29 where the apostle Paul boasts in his weaknesses and sufferings.  He describes being lashed by the Jews and beaten with rods.  He was stoned and he was shipwrecked.  He was “in danger from rivers, danger from robbers” and danger from all the different people groups who would have loved to have him killed.  Then we see in verse 23 that he was “in toil and hardship, through many a sleepless night, in hunger and thirst, often without food, in cold and exposure.”   

What I’ve Learned Lately Through Suffering: Speaking Openly and Honestly From The Heart April 9, 2010

My greatest, and most overriding desire in all forms of trials I face, is no longer that they would be removed but rather that they would not be wasted.  If God would be pleased to use suffering to make me more like my Lord Jesus Christ, and if He would refine me in the fiery trials in a way that would  bring Him glory and draw men and woman, boys and girls to Him, then I will rejoice in my sufferings.  I might trip and fall along the way, and find myself in doubt and sorrow, but this I know: by Christ’s power He will be certain to bring me back to a place where I can rejoice and thank Him, even for my pain.  This I know, because He has done it for me time and time again and because His word assures me it is true.

I may sound bold, and strong to say this, but I can assure you I am the farthest thing from it.  If you knew how fiercely I have fought in the past against temptation, and how close I have come to caving in to it and heeding the advice of Job’s wife “Curse God and die (Job 2:10),” then you would know that I am nothing but a weak and empty vessel, in desperate need of God.  The only reason I can say such things as above is because of the slow and painful work God has done in me.

How pleased I am that God saw fit to bring trials into my life, when I thought that I was strong, and when I stood in shallow faith.  What a gracious and awesome God I serve, that He would treat me like a daughter!  I thank God that He would not withhold from me that which “for the moment…seems painful rather than pleasant, but later…yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it” (Hebrews 12:11).

A Purpose For Suffering March 9, 2010

When I was off work this summer, experiencing a lot of pain with my fibromyalgia, I was working on an article entitled “Purposes In Suffering.”  Purpose number seven was “that we may primarily seek Christ as our refuge above anything or anyone else.” 

That we may primarily seek Christ as our refuge above anything or anyone else.

Journal Entry:  “There are days when trials weigh so heavily on my soul, and make me feel like I have been assaulted in every part.  When these times come the natural and fleshly response is to sit down in your pain and to pity yourself so much that you feel like you would rather die than endure the day.  Sometimes, in my flesh, I become angry with my circumstances and have such pent up anxiety that I feel the only way I can get rid of it is to rant about how unfair it is, and to kick or hit whatever object is nearby.  I have had other times where I am filled with what seems to be a debilitating sorrow, where I am simply too sad to do anything other than sit on the couch and stare blankly at the wall.   This is NOT how Christ Jesus desires me to respond, but these are in fact sinful responses, which break open the gates of Hell for Satan to come when I am at my lowest only to discourage me further.  He will then come and tell me that I am a failure and that I should punish myself for having acted like such a fool (instead of fleeing to the cross where Christ freely took my punishment).  He will further drive me into self pity and self hatred and take me on such a wicked tumble downhill that if I do not recognize it I will wind up in a state of panic.  Is this God’s purpose for suffering?  NO!

In The Midst Of Trials October 26, 2009

 
I think I wrote this poem around the same time last year, when I was going through very difficult times.  I thought I’d post it as I haven’t had time to work on anything new lately.  I hope that it may encourage someone who is in the midst of trials to perservere in their faith, and to remember that God has a good purpose for all that comes our way.
Where does my contentment lie?
In what do I most gather peace?
In need of nothing, satisfied
From endless craving to find release.